


The Excellent Elizabeth

by TheLittleLostTimeLord



Series: Elizabeth [1]
Category: Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby (2013)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Bisexual Character, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexuality, England (Country), Gatsby is bi, Great Depression, Growing Up, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Kid Fic, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Nick is gay, Parenthood, Same-Sex Marriage, Secret Relationship, Sisters, Unconventional Families, World War II, also bipolar, daughter - Freeform, parenting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-20
Updated: 2014-07-06
Packaged: 2017-12-15 13:25:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/850044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLittleLostTimeLord/pseuds/TheLittleLostTimeLord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>"I can practically hear you worrying inside that head of yours. It's real, Nick. I'm real." He pulled me close.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>  <em>My chin rested on his shoulder as we wrapped our arms around each other. Then I remembered. "Why do you have a baby?"</em></p><p> </p><p>Daisy has another daughter, Gatsby's daughter. Tom wont let the child stay so Daisy sends her to Nick, but she ends up with Gatsby, who survived being shot. Nick is brought home from the sanitarium to the both of them and they become a very strange, but happy family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gallifreyanvampireslayer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gallifreyanvampireslayer/gifts).



It was late October the year after I’d been admitted when my doctors decided I was well enough to function without their constant supervision and I was released from the sanitarium. On the day of my release it was slightly overcast and windy, but the sun still shone in the edges of the sky. A car had arrived to take me away. I assumed it would take me to my parents’ house or, perhaps, to Daisy’s house, as I believed it was she who’d financed my stay. It did neither.

When we pulled up in front of a medium sized house in a small town that I’d never seen before, I was confused. I asked the driver where we were. He just shrugged and said he had orders to drive me here. He drove off leaving me stranded at the strange house. The sun had disappeared entirely by then and it was beginning to rain, so I rushed up the stair on the front porch and knocked on the door. There was no answer. I tested the door handle. It was unlocked so I let myself in.

Once inside, I heard the strangest sound. A baby was crying. I found the child quickly, but the mother seemed to be absent. The lifted the child from the bassinet and as soon as I did the child fell silent; I did not know if the child was boy or a girl at the time. I carried the child while I searched for its mother. The house was larger than it seemed from the outside, but by no means large. When I finally found the other inhabitant of the house, the situation became stranger.

It was not a mother I found asleep in the master bedroom, nor did I believe the child’s father. I found a dead man, who was, somehow, alive. I didn’t know what to do, and I was in complete shock. I couldn’t bring myself to wake him, so I just sat in the chair in the corner staring at him, rocking the child.

The baby began to cry again a few minutes later. Now that the cries were closer, they woke the dead man. He practically sprung from the bed and fell onto the floor. When he stood and saw me, he smiled.

“Old Sport.” He half whispered. The baby screamed louder. He took the child away from me and sniffed its bottom. “Her diaper is dirty.”

He carried her back to the nursery and laid her down on the changing table and began to change her diaper. Once he was finished. He placed the baby back in her bassinet and turned to face me one more. I realized I'd not spoken since finding him. I was still completely in awe of his living. He spoke again before I had the chance.

"Breathe, Old Sport." I had not realized I'd been holding my breath until he insisted that I stop. I took a long breath before speaking.

"You....died...."

"Not quite, Old Sport. I was shot, yes, but it was not fatal."

"I saw you in the coffin."

"I was alive then, I simply held my breath whenever you were close enough to know. I wanted to tell you, but it wasn't the right time. I never thought I get to see you again as a living soul."

"You....survived. You heard what I said....what I said...." My heart was racing. What did he think of me? How could he look at me? My own father had done as much as he could to distance himself from me when he found out, save actually disowning me. I had admitted something to, what I believed to be, Gatsby's memory that I struggled to even admit to myself.

I'd cried over him and cursed Wilson and Daisy and that damnable green light, for they had all played roles in Gatsby's demise. I begged and pleaded with every god I'd ever heard of for a miracle. Gatsby deserved a miracle after all he'd been through. Then I'd sobbed some more. Then I was angry at him. I was angry at him for not letting Daisy go. I was angry at him for pushing her and involving Tom. And I was angry at him for not realizing that Daisy was the wrong cousin. I knelt beside him, sobbing and furious, and announced to the heavens that I, Nick Carraway, was in love with Jay Gatsby. I demanded to know if that was why my miracle had been withheld; if it had been Daisy begging, would it have been granted? And now I was standing face to face with him, my miracle granted, terrified of what he thought of me, fearing his next action.

He just smiled that same smile from the first night I met him, that understanding, kind smile. I felt guilty; surely, I did not deserve to be looked at in such a manner, not considering how I was. Yet, I felt a small relief in my chest as I came to realization that at least I held no more secrets from him. He knew my most guarded truth about myself. And he had not, yet, cast me out.

I jumped when I felt his hand grab mine. I hadn't even seen him move; I'd been so caught up in my own head. His voice was just the right kind of soft that I needed to hear to calm the inner hurricane I was experiencing. "Yes, Old Sport, I heard what you said."

"I'm sorry." I bowed my head in shame.

"Never apologize when you are right, Nick." He called me by my name, not 'Old Sport' as he always had.

"What?"

"I did have the wrong, cousin. I've had a year to think and, Nick, I was an idiot that summer. Yes because of Daisy and all my terrible life decisions, but mostly because I didn't have the sense to do this.” Then his lips were on mine I could hear his heart beating, calling out to the only slightly quicker beat of my own.

I thought it wasn't real. I thought I must be dreaming, because there was no way that Gatsby was alive, and even if he was, only in fiction would he love me. Our lips parted and he chuckled.

"I can practically hear you worrying inside that head of yours. It's real, Nick. I'm real." He pulled me close.

My chin rested on his shoulder as we wrapped our arms around each other. Then I remembered. "Why do you have a baby?"

"She's my daughter, Daisy's and mine. She tried to send her to you, but you weren't on Long Island. I was, however. She sent her to you because Tom refused to allow her to live in his house. She believed you'd be the best guardian, seeing as you did not hate me and would not abandon a child simply for being a bastard."

I smiled; the very fact that Daisy would trust me to raise her daughter meant a lot, though if she knew why I'd not found a wife, I doubt she'd have made the same decision. "What's her name?"

"Elizabeth. Elizabeth Eva Carraway. She thought it would be easier if she had you last name. Less questions."

"You look exhausted." I touched the bag beneath his eye softly. "Get some rest. I'll watch her."

He smiled gratefully before obeying my order. I watched as he exited the nursery and I hoped he'd still feel the same way when he woke. Then I turned to look at Elizabeth again. She was sleeping peacefully. I pulled the rocking chair closer to her bassinet and sat down to guard her sleeping form.


	2. Chapter 2

When Gatsby woke it was the next morning. I'd not left Elizabeth's side. However, I did fall asleep in the rocking chair, which resulted in a very stiff neck when he woke me. She slept through the night and gurgled happily when she woke as well. I smiled at her.  
  
          I'd always loved kids. As a child I'd dreamed of my future children. My hypothetical children in my childhood imaginings were always sons; being a boy myself, especially a young one, I never considered a daughter. Girls were gross; I could never raise one. It was childish I know but all little boys think it. When I'd discovered how I felt about women, I'd thought that I'd never get to have my own. I'd come to turns with that. I mean, how could I raise a child, with how I am? Yet as I stood there looking at the little girl, who I'd hopefully be raising, I was filled with excitement.  
  
          I saw her dancing in a field in a little white dress picking windflowers and running to bring them back to Gatsby and me. I imagined how she'd beg for more stories at bedtime and how, when she got those stories, she'd fall asleep in the middle of them. And I wondered. I wondered if the pale hair on her head would darken like her mother's or stay blonde like her father's. I wondered if her nose would wrinkle like Gatsby's did when he laughed. It didn't matter really. I'd love her all the same. And I worried. What would he think of me? Would she be angry about not having a mother? What would other children say to her about Gatsby and me? Maybe we could find somewhere where no one would judge her by our choices, where she'd not have to feel shame for what we are. I don't know if a place like that exists, probably not.  
  
            Gatsby must have seen the worries on my face because he rested his hand on my shoulder comfortingly. He said nothing, perhaps he knew. Perhaps, he didn't want to know; didn't want to worry as well. It calmed me to have him there. It still felt like a dream, like I would wake soon, in the sanitarium, without Gatsby. I pushed that worry away, even if I was dreaming, it was a good dream. Why ruin it? I was happy in this dream world, safe with Gatsby living and a baby to raise. It was everything I'd wanted.  
  
          "You're using your real name aren't you, Gatsby?"  
  
          "It's not impossible that a man, named James Gatz, who looks a bit like the dead millionaire of Long Island would buy a house in a small Midwestern town. Most people here haven't even seen a picture of me from those days." He spoke of New York like it had been another life time ago, which, I suppose it had been. It had aged him. He was no longer the foolish boy who'd struck it rich. He was a man. Whether it was the events of New York or that, or that first time in his life, he had to be responsible that aged him, I may never know.  
  
          "You're not him, James Gatz, not really, but you're not truly Jay Gatsby either. You're not a poor farm boy, nor are you a foolish rich boy."  
  
          He chuckled at me. "Then what am I? What defines this new, unnamed, me?"  
  
          I thought for a while before speaking. "You're a father." I declared, decisively. Then I reconsidered. "No, you're a dad."  
  
          He tilted his head a bit in confusion. "What's the difference, Old Sport?"  
  
        "A father simply fathers a child. A dad raises and cares for the child he fathered."  
  
        He smiled at me and then at Elizabeth. He bent to pick her up and lifted her out of her bassinet. Then he placed her in my arms and said. "I don't think being a father is a requirement for being a dad."  
  
        It took me a moment before I gathered his meaning and when I did I just stood there smiling. How I would have responded I do not know, because before I could he was kissing me again, carefully, making sure not to squish Elizabeth.  It was in that moment that it first felt like I had a family, that I first felt like Elizabeth was mine, Gatsby had given her to me, and that I first knew I was Gatsby's. We were a family.  
  
        I silently promised Elizabeth that I would be better than my father had been to me, when the kiss broke. I think that Gatsby probably promised her a better childhood than his own. I know she was just a baby, but I could have sworn she’d heard our wordless vows and sent her own, a vow that she would hold us to ours. And I knew she would. She would be the biggest headache I'd ever had, but she'd be worth it.  
  
        "She's going to be perfect." I promised him. "We are not, but she will be. We'll give her everything we never had and she'll learn from our mistakes."  
  
        "I know she will." He smiled hopefully.  
  
        I smiled back. And Elizabeth smiled up at the both of us. I knew life would be complicated for the three off us and that we'd have rough times, but that moment was simple and peaceful. There was nothing complicated about how she loved us and we loved her. Even how we loved each other was simple. Why we did was not, but how was.  It was innocent, even in such a bloody, vile, and deceptive world, love remained, pure and incorruptible.  
  
        We stood there in our bubble of peace, protected from the outside world. I don't know how long we stood there, frozen, neither willing to pop the bubble, but when Elizabeth cried out we both reacted. We quickly concluded she was hungry and I carried her downstairs to the kitchen, following Gatsby.  
  
        Watching Gatsby feed her some sort of mashed food felt right, like we were always supposed to end up there. I'm not a religious person. I don’t really believe in fate. I'd always doubted the existence of a God. How could one being manage the entire planet? Yet, I was standing watching two miracles. If God does exist then he must be different than how I was taught he is as a child. The God of my childhood, of my family, wouldn't have given them to me. Perhaps I'm lucky. Perhaps this was my reward for all that I'd been through. Perhaps God is just kind. Whether there is a God isn't really important to me. I figure if he exists he'll forgive my doubt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The movie got it wrong. According to the book Daisy is brunette and Jordan is blonde.
> 
> Tom and Nick are blond and Tom incloudes both them and Jordan under the label 'Nordic' during his racist rant in chapter 1, but hesitates to include Daisy. Nordic is associated with blond hair.


	3. Chapter 3

We fell into a rhythm quickly. After only a few nights we realized it would be easier to mover Elizabeth's bassinet into Gatsby's room, so we would know when she woke. I shared the bed with Gatsby, though we'd not done more than kiss. It was nice, though, to have him there, to know he was safe from the moment I awoke. I always woke first. I'd lay there until Gatsby woke, provided Elizabeth had no demands otherwise.  
  
I got quite good at knowing what she was asking.  She made different cries for when she was hungry or needed her diaper changed or just wanted to be held. She usually slept through the night and refused to nap. It could be worse I supposed. Gatsby was still perplexed at times by her crying, as was I. She'd get bored and just wail.  
  
She was healthy and growing. We knew she would begin speaking soon. She seemed to take great joy in taunting us with almost words. Then one day he murmured, "Da." while indicating with her arms that's she wanted Gatsby to hold her.  
  
We'd decided that we would be Dad/Dada/Daddy and Papa, but that was how we decided who was which. Elizabeth had dubbed her father as Dad and so I became Papa.  
  
After her first word she picked up several more quickly including: Pa, up, down, and, the eternally frustrating, no. She loved to say "no" to almost everything we asked.  
  
"Are you hungry?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Do you like that bear?"  
  
"No."  
  
She'd been holding her arms up, indicating she wanted to be held when I asked. "Do you want to be picked up?"  
  
"No."  
  
I was beginning to hate the word, which was apparently quite amusing judging by Gatsby's chuckling. I knew he got irritated too but I asked her far more questions and so was no-ed more often. I felt like my heaven had become hell sometimes, a monosyllabic negative hell.  
  
Her first sentence was shouted at Gatsby when he tried to help her into the chair she was holding her self up on. "I do!"  
  
She tried to do it herself, but couldn't. Eventually she let him lift her up. She sat in the chair like it was throne and she was the queen and we her servants.  She was going to be strong willed. Had she been born into our generation she would have led the march for women's rights, not just marched in them.  
  
I was glad she was going to be a tough kid. Other children would be cruel, as they always were, but even more so to her. She'd be hurt. She'd have to stand her ground, and I knew she would. She would stand her ground even if the great war happened around her.  
  
"She's going to rule the world if she gets her way, you know? She  rule it all, if we're not careful." I warned Jay, one day. I'd fallen into the habit of using his chosen first name along the way. Jay was a fine nickname for James, after all. And considering he was my....boyfriend? Partner? Whatever we were to each other it warranted the usage of first names.  
  
"Don't I know it?" His arm was wrapped around my waist as we watched Elizabeth hold her self up right using a windowsill.  
  
When she started stepping in place I stood behind her, ready to catch her. She took a few steps using the windowsill for support before letting go completely and wobbling toward her father, who was crouched with his arms wide open, ready to catch her. She stumble into those arms and he wrapped them around her and swung her up into the air. She giggled happily.  
  
"You did it, Elizabeth!" I stroked her darkening hair as Jay held her. She smiled proudly.  
  
Soon she was walking steadily and then, before I knew it, she was running. We'd chase her all over the house. She'd hide at bedtime. Usually she'd call out for us after a while and we'd carry her to bed but sometimes she'd fall asleep in the laundry or under our bed or wherever she was hiding. We'd find her eventually, but it took quite a bit of time. She was incredible good at hiding.  
  
We bought her a small bed and she moved into her own room. She'd been sleeping in our bed, having outgrown her bassinet, but she needed to learn to sleep on her own. It was lonely the first few nights and she'd return whenever nightmare haunted her, but it was better for her. I hated it. I could n't bare her growing up. I knew she'd soon be dating and sneaking out. I knew it years away, but it felt scarily close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter than I'd hopped but the next will be longer. I hope you like it!


	4. Chapter 4

Before I knew what had happened two years had flown by and Elizabeth was almost three. Her hair was just like her mother's now, dark and just slightly curly at the ends, but her little nose and eyes were her father's. She had us both wrapped tightly around her finger. And she knew it.

"We should leave, go somewhere far away." I suggested one morning in May while she lay on the grass watching ants enter and exit their anthill. She loved to watch animals go about their days. She’d watch squirrels gather nuts and bird peck at the ground for hours.

"Where would you like to go?" Jay asked. I probably could have said the moon and he'd have taken me.

 

"I'm not sure, but this small town life doesn't suit us. Jordan said once that large parties were more intimate than small ones since you could never be alone at a small one. It's the same for towns and cities. Everyone knows everyone's business here. There's no privacy."  


"I agree, Nick, but Daisy and Tom are still bouncing city to city. We'd run the risk of them finding us."  


"We could leave the country. Go to Europe, we'd be safe there. I bet no one even remembers the stories of Jay Gatsby there after three years. Let's go to England."  


"I'll make the plans." He smiled as he held me hand tighter and that was it. We were going, just because I'd wanted to. Jay was too good to me.  


We decided to make a stop at my childhood home before crossing the pond. I did not want to see my father, but I wanted my mother to meet Elizabeth, at least once. And so we pulled up in front of the old farm house. We were greeted by my cousin, Alice's, children, Grace and Jacob. They were sixteen and twelve respectively.

"It's been forever, Uncle Nick." Grace declared. She turned to face Gatsby, who was holding Elizabeth.  "Hello, I'm Grace. This here is Jacob. He don't talk much."

Gatsby chuckled. "I'm James, I'm Nick's friend. This is his daughter-" before he could finish he was interrupted by Elizabeth herself.

"I'm Elizabeth." She declared proudly.

It wasn't long before Grace and Jacob had been sent to do their chores in the barn and we were alone in the house with my parents. My mother adored Elizabeth and held her on her lap, bouncing her and chanting some nursery rhyme that I’d long since forgotten. When my father began to yell she carried her out of the room.

"I'd thought you'd grown out of this! You were engaged and then you broke it off but I thought you were planning got marry that Jordan girl! I thought you'd gotten better!"

I could feel Gatsby standing right behind me, his breath hitting the back of my neck as he tried to stay in control. He was angry. I knew that. I also knew why he was trying to hide it. When he'd gotten angry at Tom in that hotel room he'd lost Daisy. I think he feared losing me too.

"And you," He was speaking to Gatsby now. "What does your father think of you? Does he know what you are?"

"I haven't seen my father since before the war so I don't know what he thinks of me. I don't particularly care either."

"Well I want you to get away from my son!"

Gatsby would have responded but I got to it first. "No. I'm not a child. You cannot decide things for me anymore. I get to make my own decisions and I choose this. I choose Jay."

"You don't get to do what's wrong and this, this is wrong. You can't love a man and two men certainly cannot raise a child properly. How's she gonna learn to be a good wife without a mother? Who's gonna teacher her how to cook and clean and sew?"

"She's three! She won't be a wife for a long time." My mother returned to the room holding Elizabeth and a small piece of paper.  She handed Elizabeth back to Gatsby and handed me the paper. It was a check for quite a bit of money. I knew she didn’t approve of my choices either. The only reason she’d given me the money was so I could support Elizabeth. We didn’t really need the money though; we still had most of Gatsby’s fortune, but I accepted it anyway. "Take care of that little girl, you hear?"

"I will." I promised. "Thank you."

We left after that. Elizabeth fell asleep in the car, but I could bring myself to be happy or smile at how adorable she looked curled up on the seat of the car wrapped around her teddy bear. I knew my father was about to write me out of his will officially. "That was a mistake."

"Don't you dare believe him, Nick. There's nothing wrong with this, nothing wrong with you."

"Of course there is! And I dragged you into it! We're both men, Jay! That's not how it's supposed to be!" Tears spilled over my eyelids.

"Nick, it's not wrong." He spoke calmly. "Did you ever read the original myths from Greece?"

It seemed like an odd question. "I've read the myths."

"The one translated from the Greek or the retellings?"

"I don't know."

"I'm going to tell you a story, Nick. Apollo was considered the patron of young men and had many girlfriends, as well as boyfriends. He was the god of music and prophecy and the sun. One of his most famous boyfriends was a young handsome man named Hyacinth. Apollo truly loved this young man. Unfortunately he was killed one day when they were practicing throwing a discus. You see another god, yes another male god, found this young man extremely attractive too and in his jealous shifted the wind, since he was a wind god, and redirected the discus. While that story has a poor ending the love it depicts is beautiful, don’t you think?”

I was confused. I'd been taught over and over again by my father that I was fundamentally wrong because I loved men. Yet this story, of a god no less, seemed to say it was normal.

"Why am I like this?" I asked him a while later. "Why don't I love women like other men do?"

"I'm not sure, Nick. I once heard someone call it homosexuality, meaning that one is attracted sexually to the same sex. I don't know if that is what it should be called. I don't know why you are the way you are."

"What about you? You loved Daisy. And now you...you're with me."

He chuckled at me. "It's been over two years, Nick. I thought you knew. I should have said it aloud long before now, but I didn't. I love you, Nick. I love you more than I ever loved Daisy. Never doubt that."

"And I you, Jay. But my question remains unanswered. How is it possible that you have loved the both of us?"

He pulled me closer to him. I rested my head on his shoulder. I could feel him gently stroking my hair. I liked it when he did that. It made me feel safe and loved. His touch was soft and smooth. He knew I worried I think I drove him mad with my worrying, but he never got angry at me when I did. He just tried to calm me and was, usually, successful. I don't think anyone else could comfort me as well he did, but everything about Gatsby had always been special.

"I don't know, Nick. I don't know why any of this happens. I don't know why I love you. I just know that I do."

After a long silence I admitted what was really on my mind. "I'm scared you're going to want to be normal again and leave me for a girl. You're not like me. You like women. You could he happy. You could take Elizabeth and find a wife." I curled closer to him.

He lifted my chin so I was forced to look him in the eye. "That is never going to happen. I am happy. I'm not leaving you. I'll say that again. I will never stop loving you. Now stop this nonsense and realize that this is what I want."

He kissed me hard as if trying to drill what he'd just said into me with its force. One of his hands was on my back, the other the back of my head. I wrapped my arms around him as he repositioned me so I was straddled over his lap facing him. When he released my lips I was momentarily disappointed before his lips were on my neck sucking at it. I got the feeling that our two year of celibacy would be ending soon, not that night, but soon. I didn't know whether to be excited or worried, so I was both. I could practically feel him smirking as he sucked when I moaned. When he let my neck go I was breathing hard and so was he.

"There. Now you have physical proof I'm not going anywhere. I just told the world your mine."


	5. Chapter 5

I do not know what Jay pays the drivers but it must be a fair amount considering it buys not only their driving service but their silence as to what goes on in those cars as well. I carried Elizabeth, who, thankfully, was still asleep, into the hotel while Gatsby checked in.  
  
The rest of the night and the ride in the car the next day were relatively uneventful. When we reached New York it was a struggle to contain Elizabeth. She'd been coped up for two days and wanted to play, but we had a ship to catch. As I carried her aboard, she remained calm only under the promise of sweets.  
  
"Daddy, Papa, will you take me to see the waves?" Elizabeth asked on the third day.  
  
Our cabin was nice, but we'd hardly left it since boarding and could all use some fresh air, so we agreed. Gatsby held her up so she could see over the railing. There wasn't much to see. We were in open waters, but Elizabeth loved it. She laughed as the sea breeze blew her hair back. Gatsby smiled at her. They looked like a painting, a father and his little girl on vacation, a moment of perfect humanity.  
  
The sea suited Jay. We'd be living by it, I knew. And, i decided, we'd get a boat of our own, so I could hold Jay as the sea's breeze breathed on us and the sun sank in the sky. I couldn't in that moment, people might see and they would talk. People do little else. We couldn't take that risk, not now that we were so close to starting over, so close to our future. Elizabeth didnt deserve the talk that would follow her if we were found out.  
  
I thought about what we would do when she was older and brought friends or, god forbid, boyfriends home. How would we explain ourselves? I didn't have an answer then, but I figured we'd come up with some solution when the problem actually arose.  
  
Then my mind was back in the present. Jay had placed Elizabeth on the deck and was smiling at me. I can't explain how, but I knew that he knew I'd been worrying, but talked myself out of panic. He was proud. I beamed back at him and he chuckled. Then I was laughing too and then Elizabeth joined in as well. I don't think any of us knew why were laughing, but it felt good.  
  
Elizabeth played a bit more on the deck after we finished laughing and then we returned to our cabin. The sun was low in the sky behind us. I lay Elizabeth down in her bunk before joining Jay in the small sitting area in our cabin.  
  
"You seem so comfortable on the sea, more so than you ever did in New York." I commented taking the seat next to him.  
  
He smiled at me. "I am."  
  
"Passing through the city again was strange. I kept looking back at you and Elizabeth, making sure that I hadn't dreamed this. I was so scared when I lost sight of you. I thought it was that summer again and you were with Daisy. Then your hand was on my shoulder and all my worries vanished."  
  
He grabbed my hand and squeezed it. "I had similar worries. Those streets are haunted with our past. We can't return, not without being visited by the ghosts of that summer."  
  
"We have to move forward." I agreed. "We're leaving it behind, so the ghosts can't get to us, can't get her."  
  
"Sometimes I wonder what became of my old house, of Daisy's, but I can never bring myself to look into it. It's for the best, really, but sometimes I wonder about them."  
  
"Soon we'll have a new house, on the sea and you'll forget about that old house, both of them. We both will. There were only two good things those houses ever produced: Elizabeth and this, us."  
  
He kissed me softly, cupping my face. It was a brief kiss, but I didn't mind. I had no doubt there'd be plenty more. "I agree, Nick, and all this was worth the price."  
  
My hand rested on his chest where the bullet had pierced. It had been so close to his heart, so close to accomplishing its goal of taking his life. Just millimeters to the left and I'd have lost him, but it'd missed. It'd hit his lung instead. He'd survived. He lost his breath far more easily and had to be more careful, but he'd survived. It'd become symbolic in my mind. That summer he'd loved Daisy, but like the bullet, she wasn't quite in his heart. It was ridiculous to think of it like that, but that's how I liked to see it, as some sort of sign that he was meant to love me, not her.  
  
Jay rose, took my hand and lead me to our bunk. There was a third in the cabin, which had gone unused and existed only to deter rumors. He curled around me, holding me in his arms, as we allowed sleep to claim us. The gentle rock of the ship and his smooth even breathing were soothing. They meant that all was right with the world.


	6. Chapter 6

After the ship had arrived in England and a car ride we arrived at our new house. It was a massive tan Victorian. The ocean was just a few hundred yards from the back door and the gardens we larger than my mind could process at the time. Elizabeth took off as soon as the car door had opened. She explored the gardens of her new home, which were much larger than the yard our previous house had had. I knew that would make her very happy, being the the little adventurer she was.  
  
Jay and I stood watching her. His arm was around my back and mine was around his. It was more real in that moment than ever before. We had a house. It wasn't Jay's house. It wasn't mine. It was ours, our family's. This would be the house our little girl would grow up in. It would be the backdrop to her childhood. It would be the house that, no matter how far she travel and how many places she lived, would be home.  
  
Jay grabbed my hand and began to lead me through the gardens, following after Elizabeth. She was quick, but easily distracted, so it wasn't terribly hard to keep up with her. Eventually she found a large fountain and climbed in. I moved to pull her out, but Jay led me  to a bench near by to watch her.  
  
"It's a warm day, let her play in the fountain. We'll get her in dry clothes when she's finished."  
  
So we sat watching her splash and squeal. The fountain was about four feet across. It had walls that were about a foot tall surrounding the pool at the base which held about six inches of water. In the center stood a four foot tall pillar decorated with leaves and vines and had two other basins attached to it, one about half way up the other at the top. Water danced out of the pillar into the top basin which then overflowed into the second one which over flowed into the base. It was constructed of what was once white marble but it had yellowed a bit over the years.  
  
The fountain was surrounded by a circle of brick that had four paths leading away from it's center. Bordering the brick were young trees, which seemed out of place against the old fountain and old house.  They were just starting; their lives were just beginning as they established themselves as a permanent feature among all their ancient surroundings. Someday no one would be able to tell that the trees hadn't always stood where they now stand. They too would just be, as the rest of their home; would seem as though they had no beginning and could have no end.  
  
On the lawn just beyond the young trees I imagined the tea parties we'd have with Elizabeth and her dolls. We'd all sit around a table coved in a fancy table cloth sipping fictional tea and acting like we were in the presence of the Queen herself. Then we'd dance in the grass, twirling around until we got dizzy and fell to the ground giggling  in each others arms, as the sun shone down on us.  
  
We'd jump through puddles  when it rained, which I'd been assured it would, frequently. We'd let the rain soak us to the bone as we chased each other around, getting mud all over our shoes and clothes. Then we would run inside and sit on the floor in front of a fireplace drinking something warm as we dripped onto the floor, leaving puddles behind, when we finally rose to change into dry clothes. I couldn't believe it was all ours.  
  
"We made it, Jay." I half wispered.  
  
"Yes we did." He smiled as if the reality had just hit home that this was real, which it might have.  
  
Elizabeth played in the fountain a bit more before she decided she was hungry, so we all walked back around to the front of the house and opened our front door for the first time. Behind it lay pour front hall, which lead into a parlor, where the boxes containing our belongings were waiting. There was a dark hardwood floor beneath our feet and the walls were decorated with a old patterned wallpaper.  
  
We found the box that held Elizabeth's clothing quickly changed her into a dry outfit. It was little white dress with red polka dots. It was one of her favorites. She loved polka dots. However, her shoes were soaked and we couldn't find the box with all of our shoes so we spent the rest of the day inside exploring our house and moving boxes to the rooms their contents belonged in. The shoe box remained missing.  
  
Elizabeth was in awe at the size of the house. It was smaller than Gatsby's house in New York had been, but much bigger than the house we'd been living in before moving and that was the onlyhouse Elizabeth knew so seeing the scale of this new home, especially being as small as she was, must have been shocking.  
  
There were more rooms than we I could think of usages for. There were more bedrooms alone than I could count on my fingers. Jay once told me the family that had lived there before us had had nine children. Knowing that I can see why they needed so many rooms. Just having the one child was difficult enough, I don't know why anyone would decide to have nine children; two or three, I could see, but nine just seems excessive.  
  
Jay and I showed Elizabeth to her room, which was a few rooms down from our own room. Her room had been painted a pale purple, which matched the canopy Jay had decided to surprise her with that went over her bed. When she saw that canopy her eyes grew wide and her mouth dropped open.  
  
"I have a princess bed?" She nearly screamed, as she jumped up and down. Then she ran over and threw herself onto the bed itself. Then she rolled over to look up at the canopy. "It's perfect! I love you Daddy! I love you Papa!"  
  
It wasn't long before the excitement of the day had put her to sleep. We dressed her in a night gown, kissed her forehead, said goodnight and softly shut the door on the way out. Then we walked down the hall to our room. It was a large room with several windows and chocolate colored walls. In the center of the room sat the bed, a king.  I smiled, if Elizabeth had a princess bed it was only fitting that we, her fathers, had a king.


	7. Chapter 7

It was in that bed, that very first night that we first gave ourselves to each other in the most intimate of ways. After we'd finished we lay there, Jay holding me in his arms, still kissing at my neck, as I leaned into him.  
  
"Was there ever anyone else, beside Daisy?" I asked him softly.  
  
"I liked a girl from where I grew up quite a bit, but I never even kissed her. Her name was Jessie. She had long brown hair and matching eyes. And there was a solider who I spent a few nights with, Andy, he was blond. What about you, Nick? How many boys have you broken the hearts of? Were there _any_ girls?"  
  
I laughed a bit. "I assure you I was not the one breaking hearts, and no there wasn't a single girl. There was a boy who lived down the road when I was a boy myself. He was lanky and awkward, but he was the first boy I ever met who also liked boys in the way my father insisted boys should like girls. Three guys during the war, I still don't know if they liked me or simply missed women too much. And there was one more, summer we met-"  
  
"How have I not heard this before? How did I not know?" His voice was in mock scandal.  
  
"Shut up! You don't know the man, well I don't think you do. He lived in the building that held Tom and Myrtle's secret apartment, Chester McKee. It was one night and I was spectacularly drunk. The worst part is he had a wife and I'm pretty sure he's like me, only likes men."  
  
"Oh my! What would Tom think if he knew he'd introduced you to a male bed partner? What would he think of you?" He propped himself up on is elbow and I lay on my back looking up at him.  
  
"He'd be disgusted."  I smiled playfully. "He'd claim I brought shame upon him for I am his wife's cousin. And you, Jay Gatsby, can you imagine? He'd either hate you for 'stringing' his wife along or love you for  never being a threat to his marriage again."  
  
"It's true what a loss the world's women, and men, have suffered,for I shall never love another soul but you Nick Carraway!" I shoved his shoulder playfully.  
  
"Oh really?  Would you marry me, if it were legal?"  
  
"In a heartbeat."  
  
"But I haven't given you a ring."  
  
He smiled sincerely at me. "It's a bit late for that."  
  
I kissed him. Then after a long pause I spoke again, more seriously and more timidly. "Would you really marry me?"  
  
"Absolutely, Nick. I wish I could actually do it rather than just making these promises which can never be filled."  
  
"Then let's be married. In the middle ages people got married by agreeing to be married. They only told the church because the church kept the records. Let's be married, but let's not tell the church. I mean I love you and you love me and we have a house and child why not? I want to be your husband, Jay, and I want you're be mine. What do you say?"  
  
"I do." And then he kissed me again but it was different this time. I wasn't just kissing Jay Gatsby, I was kissing my husband, whether the government or church would recognize it was irrelevant to me. I had just married Jay Gatsby. Jay Gatsby had married me!  
  
"Shortest engagement ever." I joked.  
  
He laughed. "And the least planned wedding, but it was perfect. I got to marry you."  
  
I knew he was overexagerating its perfection (We weren't even wearing clothing!), but hearing him say that made my heart soar, far higher than when he first told me he liked me and kissed me for the first time.  I remember that I just keep thinking 'Jay Gatsby is my husband' on a loop as I lay there, just smiling at him and he smiled back. We were both suspended in that moment when you begin to realize what has just happened, both having it hit us that we were married! That it had really happened; we'd actually married each other!  
  
"You alright, Old Sport?" I smiled at the nickname. It had become a moniker that could only be applied to me. When I'd met him anyone could be 'Old Sport' it was a nervous habit of his. When he didn't quite know what to call someone they became 'Old Sport'. He told me once that he'd never called anyone Old Sport as many times as he'd called me it. It was something so fundamentally Gatsby and I loved it.  
  
"Yes, it's just, even after we started dating, if you can call it that, I never really considered you'd marry me. In the back of my mind I still believed that someday you'd marry Daisy, somehow. And, it's just more than I ever hoped. I never let myself hope for this. I was to scared to, and it-it just- it just feels good to be a married man." I told him as he caressed my face softly.  
  
"For five years I believed that too. I had it all planned out, as you know. I had the house and the money and I stood out on my dock watching from across the bay, as you stood next to me, comforting me and listening to me. I didn't realize it at the time but I was falling in love with you then. There was a night, once when I completely forgot about Daisy. You'd been over, there'd been a party but a storm had rolled in and the guess had left, some when i fist started, others stayed, hoping the rain would stop. As it got later and the rain showed no sign of stopping more and more people left. By  midnight, you were the only one left. We didn't speak much, but I was completely happy that night, just sitting with you. Do you remember that night? You fell asleep the couch. I bought a blanket down for you and took of your shoes. Then I spent the rest of the night repeating to myself 'I love Daisy. I love Dasiy.', as I paced back and forth in my room, but it was too late. I wouldn't let myself believe it then, but I'd fallen in love with you already. I fooled myself into believing I did truly love Daisy and not you. Then when you thought I was dead, when I heard you begging and when nobody else, not even Daisy, came to see me I gave up and let myself love you."  
  
"I remember that night. It was my favorite of that summer. I got to sit with you for hours and you didn't mention Daisy once. You just sat with me. It was a large couch but you sat right next to me. I thought for sure you could hear my heartbeat racing. I felt like I was flying. I felt so happy, I thought maybe, just maybe, you'd realized I was the cousin you needed, but I was so tired. When I woke, I knew you'd been the one to bring the blanket. I was so happy, and also sad. I thought I'd never get anything like that night again. I thought that was it, the closest I'd ever get to happiness. Luckily, I was very very wrong."  
  
"Now you know when I first realized I loved you, when did you first realize you loved me?"  
  
"I'd love to say the first night we met when you introduced yourself and fireworks went off. I'd say that I thought it was the universe telling me then we'd be together, but I'd be lying. I don't know exactly when I fell in love you, but I knew it when I woke up one morning and walked out onto my porch and I could see you looking down at me. And I just thought 'Oh God! I love that man!' I just kept looking up at you and smiling and waving. It wouldn't be until that night that I first thought about how you loved Daisy and how I was a man. If only I'd known what was coming."  
  
I snuggled into him and he wrapped his arms back around me. Then we fell asleep together, for the first time as married men.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elizabeth makes a friend.

When I woke, I looked at Jay sleeping form as the sunlight coming through the windows hit him. His skin looked golden in that early morning light. It was the first time the day saw our marriage, and suddenly it was real. In the night anything can be true. That's why children never see monsters in their closets or under the bed in the middle of the afternoon. But the day was reality. It was far less romantic that its sister, but seeing Jay in the light made our marriage real. It was no longer the joke made in the middle of the night followed by impromptu vows, it was a concrete union between us. Jay was really my husband and I was really his.  
  
I lay there smiling  until Jay began to stir. Then, before his eyes were even open, I kissed him. He kissed me back as he sleepily rolled me over so he was  on top of me, pinning me down. He smirked down at me, blinking sleep out of his eyes.  
  
"You gonna stare at me all day?" I teased.  
  
"It would be a wonderful day if I did." He teased back. "But we should probably get dressed. Elizabeth will be up soon and you know how she likes to wander into our room in the morning."  
  
He climbed out of bed and began digging in the box of his clothes. I'd be lying if I said I didn't linger to stare briefly at his ass, before doing the same with the box of my clothes.  
  
When I was buttoning the top few buttons of my shirt Jay wrapped his arms around my waist and his chin on my shoulder. He began to sway me back and forth. I twisted in his arms to face him and wrapped my arms around his neck. Then I joined in his swaying. Then we were dancing around the bedroom. I was laughing as I missed steps, but to fair I was dancing the girl steps, which I'd never been taught. Jay didn't seem to notice, he was too focused on my face.  
  
"You're allowed to kiss me. I am your husband, after all, it's actually expected." I reminded him, still laughing.  
  
"Oh it's defiantly not expected for me to have a husband." He kissed me as he continued to spin me slowly. Then we stood there, arms around each other, with our foreheads and noses pressed together, catching our breath.  
  
"I wanna hug too!" Elizabeth had entered the room.  
  
"Come on over then!" I motioned with her hand to join us. She ran across the room and I scooped her up. The Jay wrapped his arms around the both of us. He kissed her forehead and she giggled.  
  
After a few more minutes we went down stairs to fashion something resembling breakfast. Eventually we settled for toast and bacon, which I cooked. Jay couldn't cook to save his life. I don't really mind, though. I don't think Jay was ever taught how to cook. He was a man who had had money. And before he had money he lived with his parents or was in the army, where he was given meals. I had never had to learn either, but my mother had found it calming, so when I was stressed, which was frequently, I'd slowly taught myself.  
  
"What are we doing today?" Jay asked.  
  
"Well first we have to find the shoe box. Then we can do pretty much what ever we want."  
  
"Right, the shoe box."  
  
"Let's go to the beach." Elizabeth suggested.  
  
"That sounds like a great idea."  
  
After breakfast we got ready to do just that. We decided we'd look for the shoe box later. (We did, for four hours. We looked the next day as well, and the next, and the next. We never found it. Eventually we just bought new shoes.) I dressed Elizabeth in her swim suit, while Jay changed into his. Then he watched her as I changed into mine.  
  
The sand on our beach was soft and, as Elizabeth quickly discovered, very good for sand castle building. Jay and I sat under a sun umbrella and watched her.  She was very focused on her design.  
  
About an hour later  the family next door came to make use of their beach. They had a girl who looked about Elizabeth's age and an older boy. They waved to us and we waved back. Then I turned to Jay panic painted on my face.  
  
"What do we tell them?"  
  
"We say I'm her father and your her stepfather and that her mother is dead and that's why we're raising her."  
  
"No on will believe that."  
  
"They don't have too. Everyone with money has a reputation to protect and secrets that could destroy it. Everyone knows everyone else's secrets but doesn't talk about them because they don't want /their/ secrets talked about. As long as we have a cover story, even a flimsy one we'll be fine."  
  
Then we walked over to meet our new neighbors. The wife whispered to husband as we approached. I suspect to was about Jay and me. It was hard to resist holding my own husband's hand. I was nervous, but we couldn't blow this. Luckily Jay did most of the talking.  
  
"Hello, you must be our new neighbors. I'm David Mann. This is my wife Helen, my son Edwin, and my daughter, Sadie." The husband greeted us in a friendly but suspicious manner. I couldn't he but notice that they were _his_  son and _his_ daughter, not their children.  
  
"Yes, we just moved in. I'm James Gatz. This is my daughter, Elizabeth, and her stepfather, Nick Carraway."  
  
"Is her mother around?" Mrs. Mann asked in that way that women do when they already know the answer but want you to implicate yourself. The way that mothers ask their child if they had stolen the last cookie, while crumbs caked the child's face.  
  
"No, her mother passed away." Jay answered.  
  
A false solemn air fell over the crowd. It was only broken when Elizabeth took Sadie's hand and pulled her away chattering about her sand castle. Edwin followed after his sister. The children didn't seem to speak much in comparison to Elizabeth. Mr. and Mrs. Mann joined Jay and I on our beach since the children had decided that's where the day should be spent.  
  
"You're American, right?" Mrs. Mann asked me while Jay and Mr. Mann discussed some business deal that didn't interest me. I had never been good at business, that was Jay's area of expertise. I worked with words; he worked with people.  
  
"Yes, we both are."  
  
"What part? It's such a large country." She had a soft voice.  
  
"Yes it is big. I'm from the midwest originally, Jay is too, but we both lived in New York for awhile." I smiled, trying to hide my nervousness as I tried to make sure I didn't let anything slip that might break our cover story. "Elizabeth certainly seems to like you daughter. How old is she?"  
  
"Sadie turned three last December. Elizabeth?"  
  
"She turned three earlier this month."  
  
We spent the entire day on the beach. Mr. Mann asked a lot of question that, if not answered carefully, could destroy our lie. He was far less suspicious of Jay than me, since Jay could convincingly compliment his wife, while I struggled to. It wasn't the words that caught me. Those were simple, but they needed to be delivered correctly, with glances that weren't too long or too short and were well timed and well placed. I was at a great disadvantage since I have never been attracted to a woman, I did not know exactly were to look. Jay did. I was, somehow, able to contain and jealousy I had by repeating what had occurred the night before in my head.  
  
When it was late afternoon we parted ways and returned to our own houses. Elizabeth was laid down for a nap. Then Jay and I went to sit by the bay window that faced the beach, where we'd just been.  
  
"They seem nice." I stated calmly as we sat on the small couch.  
  
"Yes they do. And it'll be good for Elizabeth to be able to play with other children." Jay agree, but it seemed like he was holding something back.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"I couldn't stop thinking about what you said last night, about how you didn't like it when I talked about Daisy that summer. I just kept thinking about that as I spoke with Mrs. Mann."  
  
"Relax." I rubbed his arm softly. "I know we need to keep up appearances. And I know you'd never do anything. You may have dated a married woman, but you loved her five years. You don't just flutter from person to person with your love." Then I kissed him; as I did I felt him relax. "I know you're never leaving me. You agreed to marry me, and you had to be shot to even begin thinking about stopping loving Daisy. I trust you."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW! It's been a long time.

Two weeks after Elizabeth's fifth birthday I answered a knock at the door around noon. I opened it to find a young woman waiting on the doorstep with a large bag. She seemed a bit nervous. I didn’t know who she was or why she was standing on the doorstep

"Hello, I'm Mary Milton. I'm here to see Mr. Gatz." I hadn't known Jay was expecting anyone, but I also didn't really know what he did for a living. I didn't think I wanted to know. All I knew is that it involved being in contact with a large number of places, mostly international, and that he always took the calls in private. I could have asked; he would have told me, but I didn't think I'd understand it.

I led her to the library where I'd last seen Jay. He was still there. He looked up from a large book when the door opened and smiled at me. When Mary followed me into the room he stood and came over to greet her.

"You must be Mary." He shook her hand. "Elizabeth's visiting a friend at the moment, but she'll return soon. Until then I'll show you your room so you can get settled."

When he mentioned Elizabeth it clicked in my mind that this Mary must be the governess Jay had found. I felt conflicted about having a governess. I knew Elizabeth would benefit greatly from having one, but having her live in our home could be problematic for Jay and me.

Once Jay had shown her her room I pulled him aside and in a hushed tone asked. "What does this mean for us, her living here I mean?"

"I said I found someone especially qualified didn't I? Mary will have no issue with us. She was raised by two mothers, who were like you and me. It was hard to find someone qualified who would be tolerant to our situation, but I did it." I kissed him before letting him return to work. Then I went to see if Mary need any help getting settled.

"I'm fine unpacking, but I'd love to be shown around if you don't mind, Mr. Carraway." So I gave her a tour. We started in the gardens. "You're not a servant, Mr. Carraway, but I'm afraid I don't know quite where you fit in this household. Have I fallen into a romance novel where you and I end up together? Am I the Jane to your Mr. Rochester? You have a daughter but, it seems, no wife." She joked as we walked.

"You're right I am not a servant, however I am spoken for."

"Oh, the mystery deepens. Where do you have your wife hidden away? Has she gone off with Elizabeth. And on that note there's something that confuses me about her. She bears your name, but Mr. Gatz referred to her as his daughter. Is she yours or his?" Mary listened intently.

"She's both of ours. I don't have a wife. She doesn't have a mother, well she does, but that's a story for another time. I'm...well I'm...um..." I stumbled on my words not knowing what to say. How should I explain it?

"With Mr. Gatz?" She offered quietly. She had the calm soothing voice and warm kind eyes that my childhood friends' older sisters had had. They'd made their siblings feel safe and protected but were trusted with secrets that no one dared tell a parent.

I nodded. I couldn't saying aloud outside the safety of the house. What if the neighbors heard? I wanted to say it but the words wouldn't come out.

"Oh, well that explains why I was hired when so many other governesses are from closer and better qualified."

Storm clouds began rolling in so we returned to the house. Jay had finished whatever he'd been working on and met us at the door. Elizabeth had returned while we were chatting. She had mud on the hem of her dress that Jay hadn't noticed. He never noticed things like that, but it was dried so I figured it couldn't be doing to much harm at the moment. She was playing with some of her dolls in the parlor when Jay led us in.

"I've told her." I informed him. He smiled as he wrapped his arm around my back to rub my arm.

"Your daughter is quite cute, Mr. Gatz." Mary tried not to watch us.

"Jay, please, later." I whispered before calling to Elizabeth. "Elizabeth, darling, I have someone you should meet." Elizabeth put her dolls down and walked over to Jay, Mary, and me. "This is Mary. She's going to teach you all sorts of things."

"Hi, Mary." Elizabeth look up at Mary, who then knelt to her eye level.

"Hello, Elizabeth.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not the best chapter, I know.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck. I know. It's been forever, but Winter's a really bad time for me. I never get anything done.

As Elizabeth grew older, Jay became busier; leaving a few days a month for business. He didn't feel guilty leaving me with Elizabeth anymore. She was no longer a baby and I had Mary to help. Elizabeth was a quick learner and seemed to enjoy her lessons. Still, I found myself surprisingly lonely. And so I started to write again, short stories mostly. They weren't very good; I was out of practice, but it was something to do. Slowly I began to think up novels and scratch out their plans on paper in barely legible writing.

One day I found Jay standing over my typewriter, reading a draft I'd left out. I felt embarrassed, but couldn't bring myself to speak. He looked up from the draft when he noticed me standing in the doorway.

"It's very good."

"No it's not. It's terrible."

"It's a draft, Old Sport. You have talent. Your doctor said you were writing in the sanitarium, but wouldn't tell me what about. He said you were good, though." There was more he wanted to say. He wanted to know what I'd written, but he wouldn’t ask. He wouldn’t make me say no.

"I was writing about you, the summer we met." I confessed. "You could read it if you'd like, so long as you don't get offended. Some of what I wrote is not the most flattering, to anyone involved, I was angry and upset when I wrote it."

I made my way to the closet in the room and pulled out a box, where I'd been storing my work. When I handed him the stack of paper he smiled at the handwritten amendment to the title I'd added.   
Jay kissed me softly on the cheek. "I can't wait to read it."

"The ending's quite tragic. " I smiled, nervously.

"Of the book perhaps, but not of the story."

"Poetic as always."

Then the phone rang across the room. And Jay went to speak with some wealthy, corruptible man, or widow wishing to invest what her husband had left her. I sat once more at the typewriter and continued the story Jay had been reading. They sounds out my keystrokes and Jay's voice fell into a rhythm and when he was done speaking the sound of him turning the pages of the story of that summer made a different song with my keystrokes.

"It was you that called?" He asked hours later, long after I'd stopped writing for the day and was reading a novel in the chair next to his. I looked up, confused by what he meant. He explained. "The morning I was shot. It was you."

"I told you I'd call. I was worried, Jay. You were manic; I didn't know what you'd do. I tried to work, I really did, but I just couldn't stop worrying about you. I knew Daisy wouldn't call, but I didn't know how you'd react when you too realized that. When I heard the shot over the line I ran out of the office, leaving everything but my coat and wallet and caught the first cab I could to get to you, praying you weren't dead. I didn't know about Wilson yet, I thought, I thought maybe you'd shot yourself." I could feel myself shaking, the fear i’d felt that morning returning. My chest felt tight, my heart thundered, I couldn’t breathe. Then Jay was holding my hands and I remembered that it was over, he was still here, we both were.

“Why would you think that?” Jay asked softly.

“That’s how you are, Jay, you’re on top of the world for days, weeks, at a time, then you crash and fall. There isn’t really an in between.” I could see Jay thinking back on his life and realizing I was right.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s just who you are, and, though I hate when you’re sad, I love you for who you are.” I squeezed his hands. “Honestly, I love your energy and excitement, when your happy. I love how nothing in the world is too big for you and, when you’re sad, I’m happy to be there for you. I love every part of you, Jay.”

“Then I’m sorry I made you worry that morning.”

“It’s in the past, now. We both made it past that morning. Now, we have each other; we’ll always have each other.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, I know, but more soon, I promise.


	11. Chapter 11

Time passed, Elizabeth grew, and we settle into our lives. The economy in America and, less so, in England, crashed but Jay had been safe about our money and we made it out alright. When she was old enough to understand why she couldn’t mention that she had two fathers, we enrolled Elizabeth in school. Mary had become so much a part of our lives and Jay reminded me that Elizabeth was getting older and there were some things we simply didn’t know enough about to help her with, that we decided to have her stay and continue to assist Elizabeth with her schoolwork. We were happy and the trouble of that summer felt long gone. Until it returned.

We were in town for the night. We’d gone to a movie with Elizabeth and were on our way to dinner, when it happened. Jay had offered to buy Elizabeth sweets, which, after I complained would ruin her dinner, he promised would be for after dinner only. They’d gone into the candy shop together. I waited outside, sitting on a nearby bench.

“Nicky? Is that you?” I looked in the direction of the voice and cursed under my breath when I saw its owner. She was making her way from another nearby bench to mine.

“Daisy! What a surprise it is to see you!” I forced myself to smile and remain calm.

“We’ve been so worried, Nicky. No one could get in contact with you. How are you?”

“I’m well. How have you been? What are you doing here?”

“Tom thought it would be a good idea to get away for a while.” The way she spoke made it clear to me that he’d done it again, another mistress in a different town, but the same story. “I’m just waiting while he does business with one of these shopkeepers.”

The door to the candy shop’s bell jingled as it opened and a young blonde girl a few years older than Elizabeth exited and skipped over to Daisy’s side.

“Is this Pammy? She’s gotten so big!” I smiled.

“Pammy this is my cousin Nick. Say hello then go sit over there and wait for Daddy, ok?” Pammy did as she was asked. Once she was out of earshot Daisy spoke again. “I understand whatever decision you made, but, Nick, what happened…?” She didn’t get to finish, she didn’t need to. I knew she was asking about Elizabeth and as she was asking the bell jingled again and from her face I knew Jay and Elizabeth had finished shopping. Daisy stared at Jay in complete shock and Jay did the same.

“How?” She finally managed.

“Daisy, I’m sure we can answer any questions you have but here is not the place.” I assured her.

“Then perhaps we should all get our answers in private. What do you say, dear, should we have them for dinner?” Tom’s voice boomed behind me, even though we was not yelling.

It was agreed that that would be the best course of action and so the six of us all went to have dinner at the house Tom and Daisy were staying in. After a very tense dinner the girls were dismissed to play in the garden and eat their sweets, while we talked.

“That’s really her? She’s so wonderful.” Daisy smiled at me. “Thank you, Nicky.”

“I want to know how you’re alive and what exactly you are doing here?” Tom demanded Jay.

“The bullet missed my heart and we live here.” Jay somehow stayed calm, though he was glaring quite intensely at Tom.

“We?” Tom asked suspiciously. “Have you got yourself another married woman, then?” He taunted.

“No.” Jay smiled smugly and reached for my hand under the table. “We live here.” The way he said it this time somehow made it perfectly clear that I was part of the ‘we’. I knew he didn’t have to do this. He could have said I was visiting him; I would have played along. But he was going to tell them the truth, at some level or another, and I couldn’t help but beam and squeeze his hand in mine. I felt myself blushing, as he squeezed back.

“Well I’ll be damned! Always knew something was wrong with you, but, Nick, I’m surprised.” Tom laughed when he understood. Daisy simply blushed and looked away.

“You’re surprised? You knew me for years and the only relationship I ever had was with Jordan and that was spectacular disaster.”

“I knew.” Daisy spoke up. “I knew when we were children. They way you talked about that friend of yours, Christopher, I knew. That’s why I was so excited when you showed some interest in Jordan.” She turn slightly to face Jay more. “I didn’t know with you, but I suspected. The first time I was over your house I couldn’t tell if you were trying to impress me or Nick.”

A silence fell over the room and then Tom and Jay were shouting. Daisy and I slipped out into the hall as they screamed at each other.

“Thank you, Nicky. Elizabeth is so beautiful and happy.”

“I had nothing to do with her appearance and you know that.” Daisy laughed. “But really I should thank you. Raising her has been more than I could ever ask for and Jay loves her so much.”

“He loves you too.” She almost half asked.

“He does, and I love him.” I confirmed.

She smiled, but before she could speak again the girls came in from outside, chattering excitedly. Pammy froze when she heard her father yelling and, when Jay yelled back, Elizabeth looked to me for answers as to why.

“Papa, why is Daddy yelling?” She clasped her hands over her mouth as soon as she realized what she’d said.

“It’s alright, Ellie.” I reassure her. “Daisy knows, but we have a lot to tell the both of you.” We took the girls to a room a bit further away from the noise, and I hoped Jay wouldn’t do anything stupid and that Tom wouldn’t do more than yell.

“Ellie, remember how I told you that your mother sent you to live with us when you were a baby?” She nodded. “Well, Daisy is your mother and she’s very happy to meet you.”

“You are?” She asked Daisy. “Then is Pammy my sister?”

“Yes, sweetie.” Daisy stroked her hair, gently.

“Great!” She cheered happily as she smiled at Pammy. “We’re sisters!”

“Mommy, is Lizzie going to live with us now?” Pammy asked her mother.

Daisy sighed. “No. Elizabeth is going to live with her fathers still, but we’ll visit each other often.” Pammy didn’t ask why Elizabeth had two fathers, but she was still young. When she realized that it was odd she’d ask questions and I could only hope that it would be her mother and not her father who she asked them of.

Soon after that we departed with the promise to meet again the next day. it was getting late and Tom would never permit Jay to stay the night so we headed home to get Elizabeth into bed.

“Well, that went well.” Jay stated.

“Considering how it could have gone; you’re right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elizabeth is about 10 now making Pammy about 13.


End file.
